Joker Type

Joker: LEEEEROY JENKINS!!!

 

Third and Five Games

Date: 5/3/2012, Joker

This week I’ll be examining the Joker; not the iconic villain from Batman fame, but the type of gamer that simply plays for the fun of it. This is usually the most social gamer, as he or she simply plays for the laughs and social experiences of gaming. Some more serious gamers will get annoyed when confronted with the joker, if for no other reason than the joker cares not for competition or how well they do. They sometimes have more fun finding glitches so dragons are flying upside down (a la Skyrim) than pwning n00bs in Call of Duty: Modern Black Ops (or whatever they are on now).

Some gamers may dislike this one, unless they have one in their party constantly. He doesn’t take your chosen medium for domination or exploration seriously. He thinks it’s nothing more than a game. In this case he can be the most self aware gamer, because at the end of the day, he’s right. It is just a game. He’ll play because he legitimately enjoys the experience of video games, not to destroy all of his ‘friends’ or get that extra .04% of a game that you couldn’t reach…and then hold it over your head forever. He seldom plays single player games though. These games hold no interest to him; as they are experiences he can only have alone, without an audience. What clown loves performing without an audience?  To an extent, he actually needs that audience to play video games and enjoy this outlet so many have for vastly different reasons.

There’s always at least one joker in every group of friends. These dudes are always hilarious and will point out every absurdity they come across while traversing the gamescape. A lot of gamers, such as the competitor or the explorer, have some traits present in the joker archetype, but these usually come across as being snarky or witty. Very seldom do these other gamers play just for the enjoyment of the game, like the joker does. I know that I have at least one joker in my group, aside from myself of course. He’s the guy that picks the character who has no business leading any charges ever, and decides to go in guns blazing…only to get turned into a slightly human version of swiss cheese. He constantly does this because he enjoys the game, and enjoys making the people he plays with laugh..and trust me, we do laugh. We really do. Sometimes I take over the role of the joker when we play too. It’s more fun to enjoy the game socially if you have very little or nothing invested in the outcome.

 In Gears 3, I don’t play to win; I usually don’t play multiplayer games to win, I play to enjoy the dudes company I’m gaming with. If the situation requires (and I use the word loosely) someone to jump on a mine, screaming about being avenged or any other stock one liners everyone has. I’m the guy willing to. I chose Gears 3 because I’m more or less terrible at it. I enjoy it and always have, but I’m no good at beating it on my own. The dude who usually takes the joker role, however, is much more skilled than I am, so I let him have his glory. Everyone needs a win once in a while, right?

 Also, is it too late for a Leroy Jenkins reference, I think not.

Explorer Type

Explorer: Call me Jacques Cousteau…of WoW.

Third and Five Games

Date: 3/5/2012, Explorer

After a bit of a rough weekend of starting and ultimately finishing my pro-Cerberus Mass Effect 2 play through, here we are…back in the locker room. Last time we briefly touched on a few types of gamers, this time we’ll get more in depth on one of them, the Explorer. We all know this type of gamer, the one the plays a game until there is nowhere left to go and nothing left to do. The explorer and the collector share many of the same ideals about playing video games, but the goals do differ slightly. One plays to explore everywhere and develop all possible storylines and character in the game, while the other plays to find all the stuff possible in the game.

The explorer likes to get the most game play out of the fewest play throughs possible. Using Skyrim as an example, this gamer does not try to finish the game using solely stealth, magic, or brawn…but instead does his or her best to max out all three skill sets either before or in conjunction with the overarching story of the game. A game that offers hundreds of places to explore and enhance your character is a veritable wet dream for the explorer. Regardless of how many times you see the same set pieces in dungeons (ahem...Mass Effect), you’re still excited to explore each and every one to get everything you can out of the game.

This marathon gamer prefers games that cannot the single player cannot be tackled in an afternoon, or even a weekend, we prefer games that cause friends to disappear…and significant others to strongly consider dumping us. Unless we find that special someone who doesn’t game…but finds the story so engrossing that they’ll put up with our unique take on gaming, as long as we don’t play the main story without them watching. Needless to say, we don’t play many First Person Shooters or Sports games, they are either too fast paced for us to explore everyplace possible or don’t have any place exciting to explore. Give us a Role Playing Game like Skyrim, Mass Effect or any old Final Fantasy ( I cannot in good conscience recommend 13 or 13-2 to anyone) or single player action game like Darksiders or Saints Row the Third (yes, I’m aware both of those are THQ titles…they make a game with a good story).

This is starting to feel like a wildlife documentary so I’ll let this elusive gamer go back to finishing up Mass Effect 2 before the third one comes out at midnight. Until next time we talk, when we’re hunting the boastful competitor, and yes I’m aware of the wildlife documentary tone this post has taken…and I’m completely alright with that.

Cheers!

Competitor Type

Competitor: I’m gonna git you sucka!

Third and Five Games

Date: 3/9/2012, Competitor

This week we’ll be looking into the Competitor. They play for one reason and one reason only, hunt and overcome the most dangerous game; man. We’ve all played one of these gamers, and regardless of whether they are sporting or huge tools, they want to win. For whatever reason in their real life, they need to win at things is going unfulfilled, so they turn to video games and try to dominate as much as possible in whatever game they choose to play.

Within this type, there are a few vague categories and figuring these out is more or less common sense. Some competitors seek out a healthy challenge and search out gamers of comparable or more skill, looking to play such people as much as possible to increase their own skill. This type of gamer is one reason COD, Halo, Gears, and every other shooter and their brother has instituted leveling systems with better skills being available at higher tiers. Others just play to abuse people new to the game and really want no challenge at all, and very well may quit if presented with a foe of comparable skill. There are also those Competitors who play sportingly and respect the rules of engagement (whatever those may be), these could fall under either previously mentioned build; those who look for a challenge or those who simply want to dominate. There are also those who cheat and use every short cut they can, from setting their router to lag or drop out if they are losing, to searching the map for ‘impossible’ places to wait and camp, or otherwise find ways to play unfairly. We’ve all played at least one of these categoried players, and had appropriate reactions to each (from throwing things to cursing them out to submitting a player review or complaint).

These gamers try to be the best possible at one game, and only one game. They usually scoff when people choose the games they haven’t, even when they are equally good or better. Yes, I’m looking at you, Halo…and finding you lacking against Gears 3 or Mass Effect 3. I look forward to and expect your angry comments, Halo fans. They may talk about this game way too much, and respond with mockery or derision if you suggest trying their hand at a new game, one where they playing field may be a bit more level…or heaven forbid, you may have the edge.

After they finish neatly disemboweling you, most will take this opportunity to taunt you in some form. In their minds, they have earned the right to this taunt, after dedicating hours upon hours to pwning n00bs at this one game, much like the Explorer would pursuing the storyline of Skyrim or Mass Effect 3. They both put in the same hours, and either could argue to have the more monotonous task, that’s up for you to decide. None of you need me to go into an in depth list of games to suggest or recommend to fledgling Competitors; but I’m going to anyways. The best one of the market currently offers and engrossing single player game, as well as intense multiplayer fare, Mass Effect 3. They even give you the change to port one of your classes that you’ve tricked out as you please to your single player adventure, giving you a much longer affair with the one you so fondly decapitated your competition. The one catch is that you lose that build in multiplayer, giving you a change to make another one. The other games I’ll mention offer a single player that has a story, of course, but more functions as a tutorial to the multiplayer side of the game. There are Gears of War 3, Assassins Creed Brotherhood/ Revelations, and Halo 3/ODST/Reach, and I’m including the last begrudgingly.

While the competitor most commonly plays first person shooters, they can feel at home playing any game in which they can compete with a person, not a computer. I just found an iPhone game called Battle Nations that has a much more active PvP arena than I expected. These gamers dwell in multiplayer lobbies waiting to pick off unsuspecting n00bs as then enter, the poor bastards. With the new resurgence of 2D fighters, they have more opportunity to branch out and test their skill in a different arena. I would much more likely compete in a fighter than an FPS, and it would be just as likely I’d get spanked there as well.

Achiever Gamer Type

Achiever: Lets all stroke our egos!

Third and Five Games

Date: 3/19/2012, Achiever

This week we’ll be examining the Achiever. We all know this gamer as well, the one with an astronomically high gamerscore or trophy points or every achievement in any game you could think of. A lot of these gamers display traits found in the Collector, the Competitor, and the Explorer. This is the gamer that played Avatar or CSI or Cars: Maternational or King Kong or TMNT. It should be noted that all of these are rather unexciting Xbox 360 titles; because that’s the system I frequent the most. Each of these titles have less than 10 achievements that add up to an easy 1000 point gamerscore (or whatever the equivalent is on PS3) for very little work, sometimes not even finishing the game. I know this because I took this route when I first got a 360. I was so excited that my achievements could be tracked that I forgot about the games themselves. As a result, I played some awful games just going for that easy 1000 points. Once I heard friends bragging about how they ‘beat’ the game without actually playing it, I was done with that nonsense.

From time to time I’ll try for an achievement in the course of playing the game, but won’t play the game striving to hit some arbitrary goals created that may not coincide with completing the actual game. These gamers like getting everything possible out of a game, even more than the explorer or collector. They not only seek to explore everywhere and collect every next to impossible item, but seek to finish the game with a completion percentage of 100%. A lot of the Lego games are made specifically for these gamers, offering the gamer a change to simply finish the story or to play each level over and over and over hoping to collect each goodie and unlock every arbitrary character. In playing Lego Star Wars, I had no urge to unlock the winged troll that ran the show Anakin worked in or Jarjar Binks’ keeper, but they certainly gave me the option to.

More and more games are adopting this approach, like the prettiest kid in the orphanage. Unfortunately, this kid can sometimes set fires or kick furry little creatures both in real life as well as the video game parallel I’m drawing. While some way to keep track of how completely you’re sinking your teeth into a game is a good idea, letting you know down to fractions of percentage points tastes like someone sprinkled sand on my steak, hoping I’ll taste the difference in each grain. Doing this can detract from gameplay in a big way, instead of appreciating the game and enjoying the experience; you’re stuck wondering if you destroyed all the joker teeth or collected every tank (or whatever) part. When I play a game, I prefer to feel as involved as possible. This feeling is called presence and there are so many ways to shatter that feeling while playing a game, one huge way is making you replay levels to collect goodies, or giving you levels you have to return to after you’ve collected or unlocked more skills (the most common being some sort of double jump). Thanks Castlevania and Outland, we appreciate it.

Do these gamers brag about how big their e-genitalia happen to be? Probably not, they let their massive e-rections (or e-boobs…although that doesn’t work as well) speak for themselves to most people. Hey let people gaze in awe as they finish horrible game after horrible game just for the trophies that will never actually mean anything to anyone but other achievers. Sometimes a group of achievers will find each other and compete with one another to reach an arbitrary milestone first. The one my friends are competing towards currently is 80k, meanwhile, I’m sitting comfortably around 34k.

Not make people choose to remain achievers for their entire gaming career, it’s hard work to put that much into a game once you realize that those feats mean a little more than nothing to most people. Sorry to disappoint, but no one actually cares that you killed 100,000 enemies in Gears 2, even if you did get a huge 50 point achievement for it. Most non-gamers, and even some games, might tell the individual to get a job and stop wasting their life. In addition, sometimes these gamers remember that they are playing games for the experience of the game, not to stroke their own…lets say ego. 

Gamer Type Introduction

Gamer Types Introduction

Third and Five Games

Date: 2/26/2012, Gamer Types

With the first annual (maybe?) Third and Five fabled Gotham City Classic tournament fast approaching, it seems only fitting to rant and rave about different types of gamers, and I’m sure we’ll see all kinds present. We’ll be abusing one type of gamer each week until the proverbial money shot comes with the Gotham City Classic tournament. There are plenty of types, of course, and the most important question could possibly be; which one will you choose? (that was the best pokemon joke I could think up…)

We all enjoy gaming, it’s a fact…or at least it should be if you’re reading this blog. Regardless of the games we play and the reasons behind these choices, having a spirited debate with a gamer about video games can be some of the most intellectually stimulating discourse one can engage in. Even as knowledgeable I can be, it can be fascinating to argue about a miniscule feature, or a choice made by the developers that I may agree or disagree with.  Being an explorer myself, I believe that no one could possibly know as much as I do about the games I choose to play. That doesn’t mean I know much about the actual gameplay or story behind any Medal of Honor or Need for Speed, or understand the mechanics of the latest Madden or NHL. Those just aren’t my games.

While doing research for this blog, I’ve found as many archetypes for gamers as the characters present in the games they play. I’ll be using articles from Kotaku, Gamification  wiki, and an article published in a textbook. The archetypes I’m most familiar with come from the textbook, since I learned that first and have the most experience using that scale in my own work. This uses nine groups, and encompasses all of the groups found on Gamification wiki, and the types found on Kotaku are all derivations of these nine groups. These nine groups are The Competitor, the Explorer, the Collector, the Achiever, the Joker, the Director, the Storyteller, the Performer, and the Craftsman. Each of these gamers have vastly different motivation for playing video games, ranging from self improvement to finding everything the game has to offer to solving puzzles or trying to be in charge and bend the game to their own machinations.

Now that we have all these laid out briefly, feel free to comment with the type of gamer you most associate with and share some games you love, and maybe why you chose one over another. Check back twice a week for an in depth look at each gamer and a few games they might enjoy. 

WoW: COD Edition

WoW: COD Edition

GamerMatchup.com

Date: 6/1/2011, COD Elite

WoW: COD Edition

Call of Duty is rolling out a new subscription service called COD Elite. Much like dating sites, COD Elite will offer the basic services and features for free, as well as a premium membership which will provide additional services for a small monthly fee. Before getting into how absurd this is, lets take a minute to do a rundown of this exciting new service. There will be the stat-tracking, grouping systems, contents, and tactical aid (*read hints) all for free. So essentially, the things you can find all over the internet and even within current games will all be free with COD Elite. The premium service will offer a multitude of other features, such as a standalone service to provide 24-hour programming and customer service. These were the only two features mentioned before E3, because the real feature set “is tied very closely with MW3 and I’ll have to wait for those guys to talk about their multiplayer offering before I can get into what else we have.” There will be a beta this summer using COD: Black Ops, which will make use of the services previously listed, and apparently each successive COD title will add new features to COD Elite. You might even get a reward for being loyal to the company (*read take part in the beta).

This sounds vaguely like a cop out to me. With the online pass system that Mortal Kombat and Rockstar are now implementing, this seems like another way to nickel and dime poor nerds who happen to enjoy COD titles, I promise they do exist. While Playstation 3 owners may not have a big problem with this monthly fee, those of us who prefer Xbox 360 already pay upwards of $60 a year for the opportunity to play online. This is without purchasing all the goodies that make playing online fun; like new guns and silly hats and more maps. Admittedly, I’m not the biggest COD fan, so this does not hold the biggest draw for me. I may test out the beta to see what will actually be involved in the free part, and how exciting it will be.

The comparison to World of Warcraft is an easy one to make; it is the most popular game to require a monthly fee to play. At least WoW provides its gamers with a newly cataclysmed world to fly around and destroy the inhabitants of, which many feel is worth the $17.99, as evidenced by this being the biggest MMO in the galaxy. Elite currently provides stat tracking and contests and a matchmaking system, things which are found in any number of multiplayer games, specifically First Person Shooters. This doesn’t seem worth it to me.

It is interesting to know that there will be a free version, but I suspect that it will be similar to dating sites; you don’t get any real goodies you can’t find elsewhere, and can’t send potential matches friend requests. I’m sure there is some website out there to offer a built in social network to come together and find people to game with whenever they decide to plan an event, now if I only knew the URL.

This strikes me as absurd, with the potential to alienate a huge amount of gamers. I was against the online play pass that Mortal Kombat did; you shouldn’t need to pay an extra fee to play with friends. We already pay enough to have access to online gaming, regardless of the service; unless that service is free and gets hacked. I really hope this does not usher in a new age of gaming, and having to pay the game companies to use their games fully, although I do condone things that cause Gamestop monetary damages.

Brink: Join...somebody.

Brink: Join…somebody.

GamerMatchup.com

Date: 5/22/2011, Brink

Brink –  Join theRevolution!

…or the Security Forces, it doesn’t really matter.

Before release, people started going crazy about Brink. IfBrink could deliver on the seamless blending of single and multiplayer that it promisedto, people were right to go crazy. This game promised to transform those gamerswho prefer single player fare into multiplayer gamers without their knowledge,or even consent.

That is quite a hefty undertaking, converting scores ofpeople who prefer playing alone, free of the playful teasing and ‘good natured’taunts of friends. Brink, while lacking in body to back this up, does not wantfor ambition. Splash Damage, the studio behind Brink, cannot and should not beblamed for this ambition, it’s a respectable endeavor. They do, sadly, fall wayshort of fulfilling this ambition.

It isn’t that it’s a bad game, it’s just underwhelming. Nowthe question is where to begin, the story, the character classes, the charactercustomization, the ‘multiplayer’, the SMART system, they all deserve mention.Since the first thing to do is create a character, let’s go with that. You haveall the stock options available to create the hero du jour, from ‘smooth’ to‘veteran’ and a great selection of voice actors to choose from. As with everyBethesda game, the customization options are plentiful and easy to unlock.There are always going to be new hats or tattoos or pretty coats to unlock. Asyou progress in the game, you’ll continue unlocking new outfits, hairstyles, andeven body type. This last feature actually has some bearing on the game. Lightcharacters are able to move quicker and jump higher, average characters (thestarting type) are a mixed bag, and heavy characters can soak up more damage,carry the bigger guns and move slower.

After creating your own avatar, you’re given a rundown ofwhat’s been happening lately on the Ark; that being the post apocalyptic ‘lastbastion’ of humanity. Some natural disaster has occurred, leaving this floatingcity the only safe place to inhabit, or so we’re led to believe. You’re giventhe choice between the good guys (security forces), who fight to impose orderon the floating city that potentially may be the last refuge humanity has; andthe bad guys (revolutionaries), who view the ark as a prison they must escapeat all costs. This choice that should define the game itself for the player, orat least the character, is rendered irrelevant very quickly. Why present gamerswith such a grave choice, only to let them choose any mission they please fromeither the security forces or revolutionaries campaign whenever they please?

The classes are slightly more relevant, but only slightly.Within each mission, you’re presented with a number of tasks, which only one ofthe four classes you’re given can complete. You’re then presented with thechoice to switch classes or rely on your partners to fulfill the roles youchoose not to do. This can be problematic, as the AI in this game is on the dimside of simple. If you opt to switch classes after one task has been completed,you’re then stuck running back to a command center, or dying. This gets tediousquickly, as any command center you spawn at is easily three miles from anywhereaction is taking place. This game relies heavily on the ability to buff, fromthe soldiers ammo replenish to the medics life boost. This presents issues whenyour target is moving, when you try to buff a moving target, you try to hone inon them like a magnet, which gave me motion sickness while sitting on my couch.There are also times when the game fails to recognize the buffs at all, leavingyou trying to revive a corpse instead of a teammate. The soldier exists to blowup bombs and restock ammo. The medic keeps your idiot teammates and NPCs you’retasked with guarding alive and increases health through buffs. The engineerupgrades and fixes things, he plants hidden landmines and gives teammates adamage buff…provided he can catch them without hurling. Finally, the operativecan hack computers, disguise themselves as the enemy and spot hidden landmines.It’s hard to tell the difference between the classes in the slightest onscreen,and since you set your character up independent of choosing a class, you pickone set of weapons regardless of class. You’re also not given ample opportunityto develop a kinship with one class over another, leaving what could have beena great mechanic, a confusing mess that can be changed at a whim. Valve had itright with Team Fortress 2; givingthe player a number of classes and each class has specific abilities works outmuch better than tossing a mess of classes that look the same and can bechanged after a long hike or short death.

The one diamond present amidst this sea of crap is the SMART(Smooth Movement Across Random Terrain) system for movement across terrainacrobatically. You’re able to engage this system while sprinting, and it allowsyou to navigate obstacles differently based on how you approach them. This issimilar to being able to climb every wall possible like Altair or Ezio do. Assatisfying as sliding under gunfire and blasting an enemy with a shotgun to theteam is, it does get old after eleven or twelve times. A fun mechanic is greatin games, but isn’t something that should be the only thing a game has goingfor it.

This game is meant to be played with a group of friends, notthe simple AI you’re provided with from the developers. This is the case withmost games. Most games are also good. This one really is not. I wanted to likeit, I really did, but there are too many lackluster ‘features’ that end uphurting more than helping. The story is also rendered irrelevant almostimmediately after it is introduced. At that point, it seems like a much betteruse of the developers time to create better classes or a conflict you have topick a side in, instead if waffling back and forth as you please. If for somereason you ended up buying this, either return it or trade it in immediatelyfor something less bad. There are much better FPSs to hold you over until Gears3 or Duke Nukem. If you need one that badly, go play Gears 2 or Halo Reach.Yes, I did suggest a Halo title over Brink. That happened.

Mortal Kombat...Again

Mortal Kombat…Again

GamerMatchup.com

Date: 4/25/2011, Mortal Kombat Review

There have already been too many Mortal Kombat jokes made over the 20 year history of this epik fighting franchise, so I’ll keep those to a minimum…maybe. The newest MK game, simply named Mortal Kombat, kame out this past Tuesday (or Monday at midnight if you’re a real gamer), and this game rocks my tiny little world. It hasn’t been upperkutted into many, if any pitfalls that other 2D fighters have accidentally tripped, or just plain walked into. MK has always felt like a game of substance, even though any one opponent kan be konquered in under a minute if you’re really good; or your opponent is just plain awful. There isn’t really a good way to explain this, but it feels like each hit or special you skore on your opponent has konsequences. This hasn’t been the case in many fighters as of late; Marvel Vs Capcom 3 felt like attacks did nothing, until you built up your power for your big three person special, Blazblue and Guilty Gear really make me feel like my eyes are bleeding and I should be having a seizure before the fight even starts, and Street Fighter just feels like I’m playing with toys.

This iteration has quite a few modes to allow you to let out your pent up aggression, for a single player as well as those who prefer playing with friends. The kampaign mode is fun and brief, offering another tournament for the fate of earthrealm. Apparently, every jackass in every other realm really wants to kick it on earth.  All of the earthly kombatants (except Liu Kang and Kung Lao) are kompletely wrapped up in their own stories to actually know that they are fighting for the fate of their realm. Johnny believes he’s just on another movie set, and kontinually hits on Sonya, who believes Jax has been kidnapped by Kano, who is working for Shao Kahn; all the while Liu Kang is questioning Raiden for summoning these ‘heroes’ (which should be read as tools) to kompete in the tournament. While this plot is by no means anything new, it really doesn’t need to be. It’s the story mode of a fighter (that has continued to be a success over 20 years) that has had essentially the same plot since the first one; if you want plot, go play Mass Effect 3.

As thrilled as I am with the ‘k’ thing, it’s kinda like beating a dead opponent at this point and is now being killed.

If you’re set on playing alone; that’s fine, there are still plenty of things for you to do. You can play through the kombat part of the story without any pesky story, save the little text box at the end when you win in ‘ladder mode’. You can hone your skills by completing the plethora of challenges, which serve as practice. You can also go online by yourself to compete against other lone wolf gamers. Doing each of these things earns you coins to spend in the krypt, which allows you to unlock goodies. The Krypt is split up into sections, that don’t actually do anything differently except show a different movie of how souls are separated from their bodies. You can unlock music, a stage or two, extra fatalities (for when one just isn’t enough), pictures or concept shots, and maybe an extra character.

If you choose to play with friends, then you may want to play through cooperatively. This you can also do in a multitude of ways. NetherRealms included a two player co-op mode in addition to the two player fighting we all know we secretly love. Two player kombat, while satisfying, can be a little tough to get the hang of; you have to both tag out at the same time, and have the option to input a certain button combo to launch a special move at your unwitting opponent.

Upon trying the multiplayer, I was informed that I would need to buy an online pass, which set me into a slight panic. Admittedly, I had not looked at the instruction book yet, so I had no idea what was behind it. Turns out one had come with the game; I would have been irate if I’d had to buy a $10 pass just to play the fabled King of the Hill mode. Sorry guys, if you rented this to play with a buddy, that $8 rental just became $20 you can’t spend on beer or impressing someone of the opposite sex. After that little panic attack, I got down to playing 1V1. This was MK as I remember it, just able to be done across a series of tubes. I obliterated someone for a few rounds with Sonya; then switched to King of the Hill. I was not shocked to see avatars watching the carnage, yet it was still a pleasant surprise. I was able to choose from one of four emotions to convey at the two people playing, ranging from cheering to disgust. I was yanked up to face the defending king, only to have him get dropped from that game, meaning I was the victor by default. Two sweetest words in the English language indeed. Unfortunately for me, the dude who was then chosen to play me was evidently from a land where cheap bitches run free (and aren’t castrated on general principles), spamming the Lord of Thunder’s version of that M. Bison move everyone and their brother hates. After getting beaten like I owed him money, I was given the chance to give respect points to the victorious cheap bastard. I was not amused, and as a result, gave him no respect whatsoever. The actual playing online was a lot of fun, but dealing with spammy bitches, however, was not.

There are certainly bad things that can be said about MK, but they all have to do with the fact that I suck at fighting games. Parts were too hard and I had to play cheaply, one of my buddies made me look bad in front of my girl, and Shao Kahn was damn near impossible the first time I faced him, etc. This game is a damn good time, plain and simple. The fatalities are fun and satisfying, even though you only have one unlocked at the outset, but that will keep you playing more to unlock all of them…and butcher your opponent in fun and exciting new ways. That seems like a great payoff to me. This is a great game to play alone, as well as with a friend or three. There are plenty of fighters on the market currently, and this is the best of them, hands down. If you’ve opted to get Portal 2 instead of MK this past week, we can forgive you; as long as you go get it now. Yes, right now.

I can’t finish it without at least one. MORTAL COMBAT!!!!!

Othello Kicks Off New Season

Othello at Great Lakes Theatre Festival

Othello Opens New Season

Date: 9/26/2010, GLFT

Othello, which kicks off the 2010-2011 season of the Great Lakes Theatre Festival kicks, opened this weekend to a sold out crowd. This show opened the start of the 49^th season of the festival, and the 5^th at the intimate Hanna Theatre, part of Playhouse Square. The setting of this production of Othello felt very intimate, despite being a part of the Playhouse Square complex. The production team chose to use modern technology and dress (such as presenting security in black suits and glasses utilizing ear buds) The costumes were standard military issue uniforms for the enlisted characters and suits and ties for the members of the ruling class of Venice. The set was also very flexible and minimalistic, allowing the audience to focus more on the action than how elaborate the set could be.

For those of you unfamiliar with Othello, it centers on the themes of jealousy, racism, love and betrayal.   The title character, Othello, is a Moor; a successful yet outcast, black general in the Venetian army.  The story begins Othello passing over his ‘honest and loyal’ friend, Iago for a promotion, choosing instead the Florentine Michael Cassius. Iago, enraged by this slight, started hatching a scheme to undo Othello completely. Meanwhile, Othello and Desdemona elope for a secret wedding the night of his deployment

When Othello, a prominent, black military general in the Venetian army, passes of his ‘honest and loyal’ right-hand man, Iago, to instead promote the Florentine Michael Cassio, Iago begins a plot against Othello to undo him completely.

Iago’s scheme begins on the night of Othello’s secret elopement to the fair Desdemona, revealing the marriage to her father, Branbanito, a senator of Veince. However, Iago’s attempt proves fruitless when Othello avoids all chastisement and is instead sent to lead the campaign near the island of Cyprus.

After the Venetians prove victorious and the army has settled in Cyprus, ‘honest’ Iago continues his plot for revenge. Using his wit and Othello’s trust in him, Iago sets out to convince Othello that Desdemona is having an affair with Michael Cassio. Meanwhile, Iago manipulates the rich Roderigo’s hope to supplant Othello’s place with Desdemona, convincing Roderigo to act against Cassio. Even when Iago’s word isn’t enough for Othello, he manufactures proof for him in the form of Desdemona’s stolen handkerchief, claiming that he found it among Cassio’s belongings. With Othello locked in a jealous frenzy, Iago finally plants the idea to Othello of killing Desdemona, promising to serve him in whatever he chooses, and thus ‘make the net that shall enmesh them all.’

I arrived to see a bare bones, minimalistic set with soft lighting. There was a skeleton of a room, with a small area in front, and a moveable backdrop with two doors, one at ground level and one at the second story. This shell of a room and foyer area was where all of the action took place, both in Venice as well as Cyprus. The actors also made use of the vomitoriums, or the same aisles the audience used to file in to their seats, which was a welcome breath of fresh air, and added a lot to the intimacy of the space, allowing the audience to feel more involved, as present in Venice and Cyprus.

GLTF’s production of Othello was very well done over all. Clocking in around three hours, there were times during the show where the time flew and action on stage, unfortunately there were also points where felt at least as long as it actually was, if not longer. There were also some problems believing the characters and their progression as the show went on. Othello felt as if he went from an elated newly married general to a rage filled spurned lover in the blink of an eye. Another overly dramatic change took place in Iago’s wife and Desdemona’s friend, Emilia; who went from a meek older woman who was very soft spoken in her advice to a small barrel of rage in no time flat. Other than those two characters, all of the characters were completely believable, to an extent we commiserated with Iago’s reaction to being passed over for a promotion he felt he deserved, but I did not feel much empathy for the title character’s descent into madness simply because it was not a natural progression, it happened much too quickly.

This was a very well done show, you could tell how much time and effort went into producing it. While it was a little on the long side, that could have been due to being part of the opening weekend jitters and can be taken care of simply by some tightening and tweaking in rehearsal over the next week. If you’re looking for a great night to spend downtown, this is certainly one of the more entertaining things going on. I would suggest going to see the GLTF’s production of Othello and following that up with a delicious dinner at one of Cleveland’s finer restaurants.

Google Unveils Google Instant

Google Unveils ‘Google Instant’

CSU Cauldron

Date: 9/15/2010, Google

Google Unveils ‘Google Instant’

Google has just unveiled a new way to search, Google Instant. It’s touted as a new ‘search enhancement’ which will fill in results as you type! So the results I find are entered in seconds after I type just won’t cut it anymore.

Why would we need such lightning fast speed for our search results you may be asking; well the key insight was that people read quickly, yet type slowly. It was shown that people typically take 300 milliseconds between keystrokes, but only 30 milliseconds to glance at another part of the page. For those of you following along at home, that’s a tenth of the time.

More obviously, searchers get to the content they are after much quicker than with previous search technologies.  This is because you don’t have to even finish typing your search term or even press ‘search’ before receiving your results. This allows the user to adapt his or her search on the fly.

Some notable benefits are faster searches, smarter predictions, and instant results. Google Instant boasts saving up to 5 seconds per search. In case you aren’t sure what exactly you want to search for, Google Instant will fill in its best applicable predictions in grey text, so you can stop typing when you find something intriguing.

 Also, Google Instant produces instant results, which was not previously the case; now results appear as you type your search term in, to help you see exactly where you are headed at every possible millisecond.

With such instantaneous search technologies as Bing, Microsoft’s ‘decision engine’, what impact will Google Instant have on the way people search? Will Google Instant be a serious contender, even to the extent of being Google’s way to stay relevant and possibly surpassing Microsoft as the go-to search engine of both Joe the plumber (to use a phrase no one has uttered in a couple years) and Mike the businessman (because I don’t know of any fictitious businessmen created as a talking point by politicians)?

 It’s amazing that technology has advanced to a point so that up to the minute searching can happen, and after having a few days to get used to the learning curve, I do enjoy Google Instant, I don’t feel that this is something that society needs as much as help balancing the budget or some collaboration between the two sides of our fractured government.  It is really fascinating that technology has progressed far enough to we’re now able to receive search results as they are being typed however.

That being said, I’m comfortable with the extra 2-5 seconds searching for any vapid piece of information I need would take. I don’t want Google in my head that much so it knows what I’m looking for before I do.

It could be said that this will make searching more efficient, but how quickly will people take to the learning curve of not having to hit search as we’ve had to since search engines have existed. I also don’t see how this will dramatically change the way we search, as any current search engine will include results as the search term is typed in. 

Another concern is that of information overload, or receiving too much information not pertinent to what you want to look at, as has been highlighted by the Bing commercials we see all over the television.

The current one illustrates the devolution from a child lamenting being somewhere other than the beach to a whole traffic jam full of cars singing Freak Nasty’s Da Dip. I know this is for the competition to Google Instant, but the advertisement itself fails to make me associate anything with Bing, and does cement Da Dip in my head as something I need to be singing.

Back to that information overload--while looking for testing centers (for the GRE), I received results for testicular cancer, and other, less appropriate results which had nothing to do with my urge to find a center to take a test. This can be a bit obnoxious, but convenient if you don’t mind the occasional misunderstood search.

Google Instant, for when you need every possible millisecond of your life, to dip. When I dip, you dip, we dip.

Men Paint Downtown Cleveland Blue

Men Paint Downtown Cleveland Blue

CSU Cauldron

Date: 1/30/2011, Blue Man

Blue Man Group

I was fortunate enough to attend the opening night performance, and almost be included in one of the skits. Having seen them previously, I had some idea of what to expect, yet I was still blown away. This show had a little bit of everything; lots of rock music, lots of blue men beating on drums and PVC piping, more laughs than I have ever had while in a theatre, some audience participation, and a great night out in Downtown Cleveland. If you have any inkling towards such an experience, I would recommend in the strongest possible way to go see Blue Man Group while they are in town; it truly is their best show yet.

It really is hard to define the show Blue Man Group puts on. They feature more of a concert than a theatrical show, filled with short form improv comedy and a splash zone. While most shows feature the actors rather than the set or the costumes or the music, this show melds each of these parts of a successful performance to create an experience unlike any other.

The music is awesome, plain and simple. In addition to the three blue men beating on various sized drums and PVC piping, they are backed up by a full band, featuring two drummers, a guitarist, and a bassist. The band is used more often as a backup while the set pieces are moved in and out and while the blue men are preparing and breaking down a skit.

Even being used in such a capacity, they are very skilled and have very well practiced timing. The use of PVC pipes for percussive instruments is something the Blue Man Group has made famous, and there is a good reason why; they still know how to do it with innovation.

The skits are hilariously funny. They tackle the new smartphone trend in a satirical way, using different apps to produce a beat (done by the band) while using another app to change the outfits of each blue man on screen, only to find the blue man come out from behind the screen in that outfit, the most entertaining of which was Flava Flav’s signature clock and Viking helmet. They also featured a short skit about multitasking, reading three different books simultaneously. One skit ended abruptly at the (entirely planned) late arrival of two audience members.

 Without giving too much away, they also have skits involving a chorus consisting of Cap’n Crunch being ingested and an impromptu date with twinkies.

They also included audience participation in a number of skits. The couple arriving late was completely planned, and has been present on each of their shows. The twinkie date also included a rather attractive, newly engaged young woman in the audience on stage with the three men. I was almost invited to be a part of yet another skit including audience member, this time as a human paint brush. They dressed him in a white bodysuit and black motorcycle helmet, covered him in blue paint, hung him up by his feet, and tossed him at a blank canvas a number of times, holding him there to paint around him.

After this, they brought out a huge chest with a big jello mold jiggling on top. They started digging at the mold only to reveal the man’s head, with the rest of him resting comfortable in the chest. The last skit felt a little lengthy, only because they used it as a background for the big finale instead of featuring the blue man and band.

This particular brand of irreverence is hard to find on stage these days. Sure, comics have to deal with hecklers, and people clap at theatrical events and bands, but there are very few acts that involve and encourage the audience to get involved on their own in such a way.

There are plenty of ways to have fun in Cleveland from the various restaurants and markets to bar scenes to museums to enjoying our less-than-stunningly-clean lake, but all of those are here year round. I would certainly promote enjoying each and every one of those as often as possible, but when such an amazing touring show comes to town once a year, they should win out over both the natural and man-made splendor Cleveland has to offer. 

Land of the Dead Preview

Land of the Dead Preview

CSU Cauldron

Date: 10/7/2010, Land Preview

When asked about the zombie plague of 1599, what is the first thing that comes to mind? If your answer is ‘huh’ or some derivative thereof, you must have been skipping history class that day or haven’t been reading the interwebs we’ve all come to depend so greatly on. Coming soon to the Brooks Theatre, a part of The Cleveland Playhouse, is the ‘true and accurate account of the zombie plague of 1599’ as transcribed by John Heimbuch and directed by Dusten Welch, William Shakespeare’s the Land of the Dead, as brought to you by the Cleveland Shakespeare Festival. This account is a fundraiser to benefit the Festival’s FREE Summer Season of Othello and Love’s Labours Lost and runs the weekends of October 15th, 16th, and 17th, and October 29th, 30th, and 31st (8pm Fridays/Saturdays, 3pm Sundays) at the Brooks Theater in the Cleveland Play House. Tickets are $12, with $10 prices for students and seniors. For more information or to reserve tickets email tickets@cleveshakes.org. Tickets may also be purchased at the door and parking is $8.00 in the Cleveland Playhouse lot.

Recently I was fortunate enough to sit down with Dusten Welch, the director. He directed this show last year, and is reprising the same position again this year, along with upwards of 75% of the cast. While the show was great last year, he and the cast and crew have made a few notable improvements; they have included more blood in the fight scenes (without the need for a splash zone), have included a view of the zombies wreaking havoc outside the crumbling walls of the world-renowned Globe Theatre, put more work into the fight choreography and even included a ‘never before seen on stage zombie death’ he was vehemently excited and tight lipped about. He did assure me that all of the fights would be both fully believable and safe as to not scar any cast member, leaving them the very limited casting opportunity of ‘the pirate’ or ‘grizzled veteran’ for the rest of their acting career.

When asked about the preparation for directing this show, he chuckled and started listing not only zombie movies (Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland, both 28 Days & Weeks Later, Dead Snow, etc.) but also Shakespearean movies (Shakespeare in Love and Romeo & Juliet) as to be well versed from both canons of work that went into revealing this account. He also held zombie rehearsals so the actors playing zombies had ample opportunity to get into character as undead flesh hungry killing machines. He went on to say that he would not have ‘fast zombies’ or ‘slow zombies’ or even ‘poor Spanish/African zombies’ (sorry Resident Evil series…), but his zombies would have two states; the first of which is a wandering/ambling state and the second of which is a more focused state, whether they are focused on yet-to-be consumed flesh or merely distractions.

When asked what he hoped to achieve with this show, his answer was simple; he was not looking to make any statement, political or otherwise. He was putting this show on so the audience could come relax for a night surrounded by people who have a genuine love for Shakespeare or zombies or both and have as good a time being a part of such a great show, both as a standalone piece of theatre and as a way to benefit the vast numbers of people who come out to see Cleveland Shakespeare Festivals FREE summer shows and to keep those shows FREE. It is very easy to get excited to be a small part of such an endeavor when the director talks with the joy and passion that was evident during our interview.

What more can you ask for on a Saturday night in October? An evening of laughs to benefit a great local cause (for less than the cost of two tickets to a movie or two drinks) in keeping with the Halloween season we all enjoy and continue to hope to enjoy as childishly now as we all grow. Guys, if you find or are dating a woman eager to join you for this show, keep her around as long as possible. She is truly awesome.

The Mechanic lacks Drive

The Mechanic Lacks ‘Drive’

CSU Cauldron

Date: 1/29/2011, The Mechanic

 (Insert clever riff on the transporter or shitty mechanics here)

I’ve enjoyed all the Transporter movies, even the ones with the Crank subtitle; this is not the case with the newest Jason Statham-helmed iteration of the franchise, subtitled The Mechanic. Since breaking out as an action star, Mr. Statham has become known for absurd car chases, that oft times involve at least one stupid flip where he manages to snag the handle of a bomb on a nearby crane, thus saving himself and his sweet ride. He’s also become known for ridiculous action sequences usually involving him losing a shirt and rolling around in something slick and oily so the bad guys just seem to slide off him like a well-built Teflon man. There is usually something resembling a plot for those who are sticklers for a story when going to see movies. This was also not the case with the newest Transporter.

The plot, which is never actually given form, followed our favorite Teflon man, anticlimactically named Arthur, as an assassin tasked with killing his mentor, Harry, played by the understated Donald Sutherland, who it would seem has betrayed the organization they both work for. He then shows a conscience and decides to take his newly-deceased friend’s son Steve (played by Ben Foster) under his wing as how own protégé/minion. Needless to say, shortly after Steve completes his training in one of the more bloody sequences I’ve seen recently, the proverbial crap hits the fan and we find out that Harry was killed for nothing and Steve somehow finds out that Arthur had more than a hand in it. That’s the best I could piece it together. While we haven’t heard this exact plot anywhere, it should stink of so many action movies that have come before and been done better.

For a successful Jason Statham movie we need a few things: crazy chase sequences, an attractive, sassy love interest/female lead, an engaging and funny sidekick, a few intense action scenes (one of which needs to feature the lead without a shirt, but covered in as much oil as was spilled in the gulf) and a betrayal. There are more than a few chases, some action scenes, and a couple of betrayals. That’s about it: very little screen time for the ‘female lead’, a sidekick who couldn’t act his way out of wet paper bag (Foster), and no oil to speak of. I’ll pause for a collective sigh.

This movie suffers from a greatly lacking plot, dull action sequences, and a distinct lack of a story or even reason for anything, even though it is absurdly bloody. Who was once the most badass transporter has just become the world’s most gullible assassin in The Mechanic. Even though this is a terrible movie, I had a blast riffing on it with a buddy. Take that how you will and wait until this is on Netflix in a couple weeks, it isn’t worth the $7.50 I paid for admittance. At least Jason Statham hasn’t done a Uwe Boll movie ye…oh wait. Maybe six Transporters is enough. 

Meta review

Review the Reviews

CSU Cauldron

Date: 9/29/2010, Review Article

There are ratings and reviews and summaries everywhere we look in this ultra-mediated society. What purpose do these serve? Whose do we choose to listen to? What’s with all the different scales? How does a reviewer distinguish between a 6.5 and a 6.6 or perhaps a 6.7? Why the hell should I care if game X or movie Q or book 3 got three adorable kittens out of five? What arbitrary placeholder should I be using as a reviewer? What if I disagree with any given reviewer, can I find them and kick them in the junk for calling the newest twilight movie trash? Should professionalism be a quality one searches for in a reviewer? Is there such a thing as an objective review? Should there be such a thing as an objective review? Why should I even care what any reviewer thinks of a game regardless of the opinion I hold?

At the end of the day, reviews and ratings are ultimately arbitrary. Some people live and die by the ratings a trusted source give a product (whether that product is a book, a movie, a game, or a bigger item such as a television or a camera), while other people put absolutely no stock in them and would prefer to choose exactly what they please regardless of another opinion. I write this article specifically about video game reviews and ratings, but the same disdain could certainly apply to ratings or reviews about movies or books.

How is one to decide upon a game based on reviews? Take Halo: Reach for instance as the game in question for all intents and purposes of this article. It’s received virtually universal acclaim from critics, and received a rating of ‘Buy it yesterday’ from The Cauldron. Yet while searching this series of tubes we call the internet, I have found plenty of less than stellar reviews by users as well as a few critics for the same monumentally stunning game. Obviously, I have not looked all over the internet, but luckily Metacritic.com has done that for me. For those unfamiliar, Metacritic finds reviews of everything possible from everywhere possible and compiles all of them for an aggregate score out of 100, then assigns that number to the item in question. Halo: Reach got a 92 out of 100, or universal acclaim from critics based on 87 reviews, and 7.2, or average or mixed reviews (or I suppose a 72 to use the scale they have created) from users based on 341 reviews.

With this discrepancy, which review should gamers look to? Should we trust the ‘experts’ who may or may not be giving an opinion free of bias to stay in favor of the game companies who continue to make their jobs important, or the gamers who have no need to sugar coat any opinion they may have because they do not get paid for said opinions. I would tend to lean towards any opinion given free of bias, but this presents another problem; the problem of similarity with the person giving the review. Is gamer X a hyper nerd who plays WoW religiously, or does he/she play Halo all day and nothing but Halo?

Another issue with reviews is the arbitrary number system each different site/magazine adopts, a 100 point scale, 10 point scale, a 5 point scale, including fractions of points, disregarding numbers altogether in favor of an equally arbitrary good/bad/mediocre (of whatever else one would like dressing that up as). As of this moment, I’m giving this article three broken down tractor trailers out of five. 

Rock Band 3: Keytar Hero

Rock Band 3: Keytar Hero

CSU Cauldron

Date: 10/28/2010, Rockband 3

Rock Band 3, the latest way to pretend you’re a real rock star from Harmonix has dropped this week, with new goodies abound. First and most importantly, the new keyboard peripheral allows a new and exciting way to rock out, provided you have the skill. In addition to the new peripheral, the opportunity to harmonize on vocals has returned from Beatles Rock Band, as well as an entirely re-worked menu/tour system allows the gamer to focus on his or her own avatar instead of worrying about having to play your own band when you want to progress in the game or towards achievements.

Gone are the days of losing fans simply for playing a difficulty you are not prepared for (or being awful), as are the days of having to grind through Bon Jovi and Boston songs to earn enough money to buy that sweet new nerd blue glowing drum set or guitar. Now once you’ve earned fans for completing the latest Flaming Lips song, they stick with you no matter how badly you bomb any song thereafter. This is a pleasant change for those who are concerned with getting 1,000,000 fans as quickly as possible and keeping every one of those fickle minions loyal to you. If, by some cruel twist of fate you get stuck playing one of the new obscenely hard Phish or Chicago songs in a random setlist, you will not be penalized for playing like it’s your first time again or failing miserably trying to impress your buddies or significant other. The example of getting stuck playing a stupidly hard song in a random setlist should be less and less likely as you play, since the inception of a ‘review’ system. This allows you to rate songs after playing them, making the ones more highly rated more likely to get thrown at you in a random set list.

Playing the keyboard is hard. It’s a complete blast once you get used to it, but it’s damn hard. Starting on such classics like In a Big Country, Centerfold, and Here I Go Again did make starting on the keyboard a little easier since everyone on earth should be familiar with at least one of those trashy 80’s songs.  The two modes available on each instrument are regular and ‘pro’ mode. On drums, guitar and bass, you will need special cymbals or completely new axes, with the easiest switch being on the keyboard. In regular mode, you have five keys to use, with each key being a different color. In pro mode, you have the whole two octave keyboard to play with, adding quite a bit of a challenge. Once you figure out how to arrange your fingers, or fingers and thumb, regular mode becomes a ton easier and playing the keyboard strapped on like a guitar was immensely fun on those familiar songs.

The tracks that come with this version of the game are as varied and vast as have been available on any of the game disks. Featuring 83 tracks, as well as all of the downloaded tracks you have ever purchased, this is the definitive game for fans of the ‘rhythm’ game. Spanning five decades and numerous genres, the feel of this game is massive from the outset. From Jimi Hendrix to The Ramones to Dire Straits to Rilo Kiley to Amy Winehouse, there is a little something for everyone.

Not everything in the game is amazing however, the new menu system, now called a shell, is really confusing and each gamer profile is only allowed one band. You can no longer hoard band names because they are clever or you think you may need a youtube acceptable band name for that insanely good run you want to post are over and you must now go with the first nonsensical you can come up with. Sorry everyone, Emo Burrito is also taken. The loading screens are a lot more interesting, showing clips of your single band either bumming around or driving somewhere or even taking an overpriced taxi ride to the store. In this version, you don’t have to grind through easy songs to make enough cash to buy things, you just have to play through the game and things are unlocked as you play, so that skull guitar or superhero outfit you’ve been eyeing will come in time.

This game is a blast, whether you have a room full of 7 people or are just playing in the privacy of your own hovel, and you should be prepared to sink a ton of hours as well as cash into this title as you strive towards being the ultimate keytarist. Buy It Now.

Marvel Vs. Capcom 3

Marvel Vs. Capcom 3

CSU Cauldron

Date: 3/3/2011, Marvel vs. Capcom 3

Marvel Vs Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds - The more things change, the more they stay the same

It’s been a good decade since Marvel Vs Capcom 2 came out. It’s obviously a great idea to continue with a property that hot. This one promised a plot, more varied characters, and so much fun your eyes will bleed and fingers will blister. As the song goes, two outta three ain’t bad.

The plot is nowhere to be found or even explained in the course of the game. It took a good deal of research to find, or ten minutes browsing the interwebs. Apparently, Dr Doom got together with Wesker. Yes, Wesker from Resident Evil. Anyway, the two gathered all the greatest villains from both universes (nevermind how they hooked up) and decided to take over both universes in one fell swoop. This is a problem, not only because all the heroes of each universe rise up to stop them, but also because this awakens someone strong enough to devour both. They all must then band together to stop this epic force, that was once realized on the big screen as a huge cloud, before getting back to dominating worlds and silly things of the like.

This game was beautifully done and cel shaded, it looks gorgeous on any television. You can tell that each background was painstakingly drawn and painted, each character was flawlessly done, and each alternate skin looked great. Instead of many copies of the same move set, each given a different hat, the characters each control and handle differently. Playing as Hulk is vastly different from playing as She Hulk is vastly different from playing as Dante is vastly different from playing with Arthur. You’re given a great sense that lots of time was put into how each character controls and moves and even how each move is carried out. The aforementioned plot, however, is nowhere to be found. The variety of characters available is fun, but leaves a little to be desired. I know there will be more to come as DLC, but in fighting games, more than any other type, this bugs me. In the last iteration, we were given 64, yes 64 characters to choose from, yet this time around, we only get 36 available at launch, with two more to come if we choose to buy them. There are plenty of new faces this time around to augment the returning favorites (Thor, Iron Man, Ryu, Akuma, etc); including Arthur from Ghosts n Ghouls, Trish and Dante from Devil May Cry, Super Skrull from The Fantastic Four, and X-23 and MODOK from X-Men.

Even though the game is fun, and it really is, I was looking forward to the alleged plot of this one, as well as having to play through the game numerous times in order to unlock everyone outside the barebones fighters. Luckily, the terribly tacky sound bytes are still here from the last one. While the single player isn’t anything exciting, the campaign of a fighting game rarely is, if there even is one. The multiplayer, however, is damn good and should provide hours of fun for anyone who may have a slight interest in a fighting game with friends. Until Mortal Kombat comes out at least. TRY IT

EMA v The Governator

EMA v The Governator

CSU Cauldron

Date: 11/4/2011 MK

Cue techno background music…cue announcer. Ahem, MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! Today’s bout was a knock-down dragged-out street fight featuring The Governator himself, Arnold Schwarzenneger (et al) against The Entertainment Merchants Association, or EMA (et al) with special guest referees, the nine Supreme Court Justices; Chief Justice John Roberts, and the Associate Justices, Samuel Alito, Stephen Breyer, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Elena Kagan, Anthony Kennedy, Antonin Scalia, Sonia Sotomayor, and finally Clarence Thomas. In one corner, representing The Governator and his constituents, Zackery P Morazzini, ESQ faced off against Paul M Smith, ESQ in behalf of the Entertainment Merchants Association.

You may be asking what’s actually at stake as a result of this decision. The matter before the court is the constitutionality of a California law banning the sale of video games to minors. The current case stems from the approval of a California law created in 2005 that would make retailers who sell or rent ‘violent’ video games to anyone under the age of 18 subject to up to a $1000 fine. Opponents to the law argue that it restricts free speech and is unnecessary on the basis that all video games that are released already contain ratings pertaining to age and content appropriateness. This law was overturned in 2007, as it infringes on free speech, with the same ruling being upheld in 2009. So in short, this hearing would potentially take away the right/opportunity/ chance to take away a decision which should solely rest on the shoulders of parents.

The official transcript of the proceedings is available online, and after reading, looked just about as vicious and intense as one would expect on an episode of Jerry Springer. Albeit a well informed and thought out episode, without all of the audience screaming or fights breaking out. So really nothing like an episode of Jerry, maybe it would be more akin to a much more captivating episode of C-Span. The arguments were brought forward on both sides eloquently, and from the looks of it, there was no clear victor, even if the court was much less forgiving to The Governator’s cause than the EMA’s.

From the outset, the court took issue with deviant and established norms of violence, referencing Grimm’s fairy tales as quite grim and violent (not sure if the pun was intended). They also questioned why video games were being singled out as the proverbial witch to be set ablaze, without a definite answer. The court was also aware that whenever a new technology or medium has arrived, it has been subject to similar scrutiny, if not to the extent of video games simply for being interactive.

This is not to say that the Supreme Court was any more forgiving or accepting to the counsel for the EMA. He was questioned on the potential for a lesser law pertaining to the sale or rental of violent video games to minors, which he did not adequately lay out. Another point of contention was the definition of ‘obscenity’

This decision could also have far reaching ramifications if the court finds in favor of The Governator; from censorship of the creative video game creation process to these restrictions leading to other media to exerting unfair legal and financial pressure on store clerks, and finally to retailers discontinuing to carry certain games altogether. None of these potential things are good for gamers of any age, or society as a whole. Unfortunately this decision is out of our hands and has been left up to the Supreme Court, who will reach a decision between now and next June. I know I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed on this one, as I don’t believe the government has the right to single out this medium over any other medium containing violence. We cannot declare a clear victor until the ref’s have reviewed the play and awarded points accordingly. I know I’m pulling for the EMA.

Who won Superbowl 45?

Who won Superbowl 45?

CSU Cauldron

Date: 2/11/2011, Super Bowl Losers

Pittsburgh Steelers: Super bowl 45 Champions!! Oh wait, sorry, that isn’t the case. Where the game was actually decided amidst injuries and interceptions and (potentially to some) injustice, in the United States, there was a much different decision, as well as victor. Congratulations Green Bay, you’ve beaten the most hated (at least in these parts) team in the league to become the best in the NFL this year. In some, less fortunate countries, however, this is not the case. People in countries such as Zambia, Armenia, Romania, and Nicaragua will be proudly wearing apparel sporting the Steelers as the Super bowl champs for months to come, thanks to World Vision.

For those not in the know, which is more or less, everyone, World Vision has been collecting all of the apparel for the losing team that has been made on the off chance they win for the past 15 years and donating them to less fortunate countries, like the ones listed above. While some may view this donation as altruistic, or a way to help those who may need clothing, some agencies view this practice as harmful or even immoral.

Even though these clothes would be destroyed if they were not donated, Good Intentions Are Not Enough call for the stop to this despicable practice. Saundra Schimmelpfennig, of the campaign, claimed that poor people don’t need clothing, they have clothing.  What they need is economic assistance, better education, food, and medicine, but not clothes. The only ones benefitting from this is the scheming organization themselves.

::Stunned silent pause::

World Vision may benefit from this, but they are certainly not the only ones, and this is certainly not the only type of donations they promote or carry out. World Vision’s Amy Parodi (yea….the joke is too easy, get over it) responded to this criticism and more by mentioning that the clothing donation is not a standalone initiative, and is done within a broader context of all the many different aid initiatives done by World Vision worldwide.

I don’t really see any problem with donating all the losing team shirts, it isn’t like they would otherwise be turned into a cure for cancer, or the better food or medicine Ms Schimmelpfennig claims the poor need, instead of the clothing they obviously don’t need. They would be destroyed, not benefitting anyone at all. This way, the apparel can at least clothe those who may need it, despite what Saundra may think. This doesn’t come across as some nefarious scheme to keep the poor in the gutter by withholding the education or financial assistance they do need, but simply a way to help out those who need it in a simple way. When I read about this, I didn’t get the image of ‘the man’ sitting in a dark room stroking his goatee deviously, I got an image of people bringing clothing to those who may need to, and appreciate irony.

As much as I, personally, would like to find myself a Steelers championship t-shirt and wear it proudly (and ironically of course), there are those who need so many things, clothes included. I’ll happily give that specific dream up so that they can be clothed. 

Spiderman Shattered Dimensions

Spiderman Shattered Dimensions

CSU Cauldron

Date: 9/16/2010, Spiderman Shattered Dimensions: For when one Spiderman just isn’t enough.

There are other things going on in the world besides the Bungie’s swan song for the Halo franchise. Sounds crazy, right?  It is, in fact, not crazy at all and if you refuse to accept that, you will miss out on a great game. After many, many games featuring our friendly neighborhood Spiderman both as a main character and as a member of Marvel’s stable ‘o’ heroes, we get a return to the wise-cracking, web-slinging Spiderman that we have all grown to love. Spiderman: Shattered Dimensions is a solidly good game, with a lot more humor than one usually finds in a big name video game. Each of the voice actors, most notably Neil Patrick Harris, is spot on with beautifully timed quips and witty one liners while enemies monologue.

The game starts with Mysterio strolling through a museum looking for some goodies to steal, as he does, where he happens upon ‘The Tablet of Order and Chaos’. Enter Spiderman, who proceeds to shatter the tablet into many pieces and shatter reality in the process. Mysterio escapes with a small chunk, which amplifies his power, and Madame Web recruits you to fix time and space as we know it. Not only does she recruit the Amazing Spiderman (you), she also enlists Ultimate Spiderman (you), Noir Spiderman (you), and Spiderman 2099  (yup, also you). That’s right, you get the chance to play as Spiderman from across four different comic arcs.

Amazing Spiderman is the most popular and familiar one, the one with the classic red and blue suit. Next is Ultimate Spiderman, or as we all know him, Black Suit Spiderman, the one that eventually goes crazy and starts eating people. Less well known still is Noir Spiderman, a Spiderman which takes place during the Great Depression and has an interesting back story which everyone should find out for themselves. Finally we have Spiderman 2099, who is not Peter Parker, as the other three are, but a brilliant geneticist who crusades against the wrongs perpetrated by an all powerful company in, you guessed it true believers, the year 2099. I’m a huge nerd and damn proud of it.

Each iteration of Spiderman has unique strengths, while the moves carry across each Spiderman. The Amazing Spiderman is your normal, garden variety superhero with nothing overly amazing. Ultimate Spiderman dons the black suit, which would normally make him go crazy and start feasting on flesh, as previously mentioned, if not for Madame Web’s tinkering so he has all of the strength with none of the pesky, delicious side effects. Noir Spiderman is physically the weakest Spiderman, sticking to the shadows and using stealth to his advantage, bringing fear to those of his foes he has not yet incapacitated. Spiderman 2099 is the fastest Spiderman, who enjoys jumping off the tall buildings of the future to pursue any bad guy with a similar penchant, which is all of them (of course).

This game is a blast, a strictly single player experience, but well worth playing time and time again. The forced switching of roles and strategies doesn’t feel forced, it feels more like a chance to spice up the normal beat em up fare we’ve all come to expect from video games. Not being a gamer that typically enjoys stealthy games, I found myself strangely drawn to these levels where I had to stick to the shadows because a strong gust of air could KO me, simply because they were done well and the consequences were experienced by a character I felt a connection with.

I don’t mean to imply the game is without fault, because it certainly isn’t. The combat does start to get stale in the three levels that are not Noir, and a branching skill tree would have been welcome to the experience. As the game progresses, you have the choice of outfitting each Spiderman with up to four costumes which do nothing except change your coat. If each costume gave a little perk (like Spiderham) or penalty (like the Amazing Bagman, look it up, it’ll make you smile), it would give the game an added dimension of fun as well as replayability.

This game isn’t for everyone, but if you enjoy well done superhero games with a slick sense of humor, this one is definitely for you. Buy it.

Assassins Creed Brotherhood Multiplayer

Assassins Creed Brotherhood Multiplayer

CSU Cauldron

Date: 1/28/2011, Assassin’s Creed

Stabby Time: Now With Friends! ASSASSIN’S CREED

Finally, we’re provided with a multiplayer option that allows you to release the pent up aggression of having lost countless Halo matches all over your friend’s faces. Not being a fan of the typical First Person Shooter multiplayer fare, I really hoped this game would allow me to exact revenge against friends who prefer said fare. As it would turn out, my deepest hope for revenge was satiated in the best possible way. As with most games including a multiplayer option, the single player (with whatever the story happens to be) acts as a tutorial for the more intense player versus player matches that will keep fans holding onto this title longer than an extended Gamefly rental.

At the outset, you’re given a choice of eight avatars (I usually chose the doctor or priest) to bloody the streets of your match with, and after picking some special abilities, you’re thrust into an intense cat and mouse game, playing both the cat and mouse simultaneously. In most of the game modes, you’re tasked with killing one person, while dodging another one at the same time. It’s an early place to get tricky, but right about now it does; let’s say you need to kill the blacksmith and you see a herd of them plodding by. Which one do you sneak up behind and dispatch in the slickest way possible? This is where the abilities come in; you have the option of myriad skills, some aiding in the decision of which among this herd of blacksmith needs to be sent to his maker. The most beneficial of these is templar vision; this allows you to see an outline around your target. You must do all of this while trying your best to keep away from another assassin, tasked with sending you to the god of your choice. He or she will more than likely have other fun abilities set up, including poison; allowing someone to brush against you and kill you slowly, turning your screen green after a matter of seconds, causing confusion, followed by shock, and finally a string of expletives at the one who poisoned you, only to hear a satisfied chuckle. The other game mode is strictly cat and mouse; you spend one round hiding and blending in as a team followed by one round stabbing as a team. This allows you to become familiar with both aspects of the game, remaining unseen and stabbing bitches colorfully, one at a time before jumping off a roof (to impale your target with a hidden blade) with both feet, so to speak.

This game isn’t without fault; this in this case it’s caused by other players however. A big part of stealthily killing others is blending in with your surroundings. Lots of players instead opt to run around the rooftops and jump all over buildings like a bunch of idiots obsessed with parkour, often earning derision and mockery from the rest of the gamers present.

Now get to stabbing and get your revenge on! Rent this game for the single player, Buy it for the multiplayer.

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed 2

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed 2

CSU Cauldron

Date: 11/3/2010, Star Wars

Starkiller died at the end of Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, right?

Wrong, or so we think, and are led to question throughout the action of Star Wars: The Force Unleashed 2. The second game bridging the horrible trilogy to the classic trilogy dropped this past Tuesday to mixed reviews. The first one was met with average or mixed reviews, earning a 73 on Metacritic.com. The second one earned a slightly lower score on the same website, garnering a 63. Being a Star Wars fan, anything coming before the trilogy, yes the original one, comes under scrutiny as George Lucas looking for ways to buy a bigger pool to fill with the souls of children who liked the new trilogy and the dreams of adults who loved the original trilogy down at Skywalker Ranch. I understand that in a canon set in a distant galaxy and a drastically different time lends itself well to infinite expansion, but there comes a point where its creator is just abusing an already tired and emaciated franchise, it’s time to have an original idea George, the rest of us have you and now it’s your turn.

My opinions of Overlord Lucas aside, the game itself was pretty fun. Nothing mind bogglingly stunning, but an enjoyable romp through the worlds so painstakingly created to inhabit this universe. There is a slight amount of customization the player can do with the color of the lightsabers, I ultimately chose the bumblebee route, opting for a yellow main saber and a black secondary one. The color selection has absolutely no impact on the game itself, much like the outfit choices. There are the one you’d expect in a Star Wars game, storm trooper, Boba Fett, some goodies from the first game, plus if you can find it, a skin that makes you look like Guybrush Threepwood, which made me giggle. If you have no idea who that character is, go play some old PC games and hang your head in shame, and never call yourself a gamer again. We don’t want you.

You’re also able to build up each of your saber/force skills twice. These upgrades to actually matter and make you a lot more powerful and deadly to the unfortunate waves of storm troopers you’re bound to disembowel on your ultimately flawed revenge quest. Much like Halo Reach or Titanic, this venture is doomed from the start and you as player know this. That shouldn’t be a deterrent by any means, since wielding two lightsabers that can cut through anything, except background set pieces, is something that you will never, ever be able to do in real life.

There were slight improvements over the first game, but nothing that gave me pause or made me say ‘Holy crap that’s amazingly new and stunning!’ The biggest problem presented in the game isn’t so much of a problem as a choice per se. A lot of gamers are unsatisfied when a game is shorter than 15-20 hours, which I ultimately don’t understand. When presented with such a game, one must ask just how many of those hours are actually fun. I wouldn’t bet that all 20 are, and that more than a few are spent grinding or running vapid side quests for the bobbleheads who inhabit the towns you’re stuck with. That being said, this game is on the shorter end of the spectrum, being only 10-12 hours for one playthrough on expert. A great number of those 11 hours were a lot of fun though, with no time spent grinding for points to upgrade everything I possibly could. For being so short, this game did not drag or make me want to go do something else once. I had a great time with this title. It certainly isn’t a purchase by any means, not having much replay value, but there aren’t many games better should you decide to spend a weekend with one game and feel satisfied with yourself afterwards. It also leaves the story open for a third game. Again George, have a new and original idea instead of tossing yet a third trilogy at us. Rent it.

Bayonetta: A thesaurus’ worth of synonyms for ‘silly’

Bayonetta: A thesaurus’ worth of synonyms for ‘silly’

CSU Cauldron

Date: 4/22/2010, Bayonetta

Bayonetta: A thesaurus’ worth of synonyms for “silly”

I know it’s a little late, but it’s only been a few months, so Bayonetta is still relevant, right? This mythically confusing game is none other than Sega’s next gaming aborti…I mean feat, this time courtesy of fledgling developer Platinum Games, creators of well-loved titles like Okami and Viewtiful Joe. To say the story of this game is convoluted would be understatement of the century material.  On my second playthough, I tried following it only to end up with migraines as a result.

 Bayonetta, the titular main character, starts out as a 500 year old witch without any memory of her past (Fan effing tastic). You’re hounded incessantly by a journalist convinced that you killed his father upon your ‘revival’ from the bottom of a pond, and as a result of, wants to kill you all kinds of dead.In case you were curious, you had been tossed there as punishment for being naughty by your mother (or fellow witch sister…don’t ask) Jeanne, some years back. You find a little girl carrying around a doll that’s supposed to be a cat, the most unfortunate cat ever to be seen, and, of course, you have to keep her safe throughout the rest of the game.

Does your head hurt yet?

Without giving anything away, the whole reason this kid is in the story at all is so one of the bosses can snack on her and revive themselves/become a god. Luckily, the journalist, who is now torn between wanting to kill you and throw you down and mount you, acts as babysitter while you go obliterate angels and lesser deities. Unfortunately he fails (Shock of the century!), meaning no special fun time for him, and thus we have what some may confuse for a plot.

Does your head hurt now? If not, kudos, and let’s move onto gameplay.

You start out simply fighting with fists, feet, and a gun attached to each, that’s right kids; she has guns embedded in her (impractically high) heels. As the game progresses, you do get stronger weapons…all of which serve the purpose they were created for. You get a katana, claws that switch from fire to lighting seemingly whenever they please, a whip that can hit enemies at least a full screen away, and shotgun…again, for your feet. Thus giving you an overly vast arsenal in which to penetrate your enemies no no places.

 Being a witch evidently allows you to pull off moves that no one could do…even with bones of jello, and you’ll come to find out that any attack, any attack at all, can be dodged triggering ‘witch time’ which is suspiciously similar to bullet time, an innovation that has been overused by everyone from Max Payne to Uwe Bol. This simply means (for those of you that have been living under a rock for years upon years) that time slows down, allowing Bayonetta to score a free combo on anyone she fights, bosses included.

 Almost as the game starts, you learn how to do ‘torture’ attacks. These are finishing moves for normal enemies, much in the same way that ‘climax’ (insert joke here) moves are finishing moves for bosses. Both require a quick time event to enable, and haphazardly fast mashing of one of the face buttons afterwards to increase the damage dealt by this silly (I’m running out of words that mean absurd) attack. Upon activation, enemies are kicked into an Iron Maiden or a Guillotine, or other equally fun and abusive forms of torture. The forms these attacks take for bosses are even more bizarre; all of your hair (which it turns out is actually the skin tight catsuit you wear) covers only your cash and prizes, penetrates the ground, and appears behind the boss in the form of a dragon, a centipede, or a bird to devour, constrict, or plow into then devour the boss.  After each level, you’re graded on your performance. Taking no damage while violating your enemies in every way you can think of earns you a Pure Platinum medal (basically this games version of those gold stars you sought but never really deserved in kindergarten).

All that silliness being said, this game was a ton of fun. Sure the story couldn’t be deciphered by astrophysicists or the founders of MENSA, and the gameplay is akin to Devil May Cry on ecstasy; but once you get used to or over those two things, it’s a blast. I did feel disappointed that the game beat me to all of the innuendos that I tried to make, but got over that very quickly when I realized that this isn’t meant to be taken seriously…and is indeed meant to be as ridiculous as it sounds.  The bosses are as epic as you would think, there are midboss check points, there isn’t any stupid unnecessary weapon upgrading, and a select few of you will enjoy this game in the worst possible way.  Try it.