The Mechanic Lacks ‘Drive’
CSU Cauldron
(Insert clever riff
on the transporter or shitty mechanics here)
I’ve enjoyed all the Transporter
movies, even the ones with the Crank
subtitle; this is not the case with the newest Jason Statham-helmed iteration
of the franchise, subtitled The Mechanic.
Since breaking out as an action star, Mr. Statham has become known for absurd
car chases, that oft times involve at least one stupid flip where he manages to
snag the handle of a bomb on a nearby crane, thus saving himself and his sweet
ride. He’s also become known for ridiculous action sequences usually involving
him losing a shirt and rolling around in something slick and oily so the bad
guys just seem to slide off him like a well-built Teflon man. There is usually
something resembling a plot for those who are sticklers for a story when going
to see movies. This was also not the case with the newest Transporter.
The plot, which is never actually given form, followed our
favorite Teflon man, anticlimactically named Arthur, as an assassin tasked with
killing his mentor, Harry, played by the understated Donald Sutherland, who it
would seem has betrayed the organization they both work for. He then shows a
conscience and decides to take his newly-deceased friend’s son Steve (played by
Ben Foster) under his wing as how own protégé/minion. Needless to say, shortly
after Steve completes his training in one of the more bloody sequences I’ve
seen recently, the proverbial crap hits the fan and we find out that Harry was
killed for nothing and Steve somehow finds out that Arthur had more than a hand
in it. That’s the best I could piece it together. While we haven’t heard this
exact plot anywhere, it should stink of so many action movies that have come
before and been done better.
For a successful Jason Statham movie we need a few things:
crazy chase sequences, an attractive, sassy love interest/female lead, an
engaging and funny sidekick, a few intense action scenes (one of which needs to
feature the lead without a shirt, but covered in as much oil as was spilled in
the gulf) and a betrayal. There are more than a few chases, some action scenes,
and a couple of betrayals. That’s about it: very little screen time for the
‘female lead’, a sidekick who couldn’t act his way out of wet paper bag
(Foster), and no oil to speak of. I’ll pause for a collective sigh.
This movie suffers from a greatly lacking plot, dull action
sequences, and a distinct lack of a story or even reason for anything, even
though it is absurdly bloody. Who was once the most badass transporter has just
become the world’s most gullible assassin in The Mechanic. Even though this is a terrible movie, I had a blast
riffing on it with a buddy. Take that how you will and wait until this is on
Netflix in a couple weeks, it isn’t worth the $7.50 I paid for admittance. At
least Jason Statham hasn’t done a Uwe Boll movie ye…oh wait. Maybe six Transporters is enough.
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